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Here are the Limericks!

kalleh — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 22:15:28 CST

Let's welcome our new limerwiki;
Have fun...cuz we're not very picky.
No need for perfection
Or painful direction.
But POST...or I'll feel really icky!
(Kalleh)

Fellow Wordcrafters, really...you're mean!
Your lims are appallingly lean!
Write one...maybe two?
Or even a few?
This wiki's becoming obscene!
(Kalleh)

I know. The above sounds quite whiney...

We all like to dine with fine wine;
Yet - nobody wants you to whine.
Just take the "h" out;
You're no longer a lout.
[Word talk is a hobby of mine.]
(Kalleh)

A golfer whose home is in Herts
Likes to set light to his farts.
Though his afterburn stinks,
He's propelled round the links
Much faster than most of the carts.

(Bob Hale)

Yea!!! Someone else posted a limerick. We are on a roll! Let's continue now, folks.

There once was a collie named Flirt
Who loved to go play in the dirt.
She rolled and she dug,
Digging up a big slug
That soon was to be her desert!
(Kalleh)

When Richard requests that I post,
Our chat time in GMT, most
Of our members don't care.
But my temper does flare,
And his cute little tush I could roast!
(Kalleh)

I will post one as soon as I can...
Tho' of lim'ricks I'm surely a fan
My poor brain as of yet
Up with one has not met
Whose anapests even barely, um.. scan.
(bethree5)

An equestrian fella from Spain
Standing bareback, did tricks quite insane--
As he played castanets,
He'd do half-pirouettes,
With his other limb tied to the mane. (bethree5)

Bethree has joined Wordcraft...we're glad!
Her posts here assuredly add
A richness on words
For all of us nerds,
And her lims are not really half-bad!
(Kalleh)

A girlfriend from old Casablanca
Caught the eye of a polyglot banker.
At first she said "La,"
To his "Couche avec moi,"
Till he show'r'd her with rials and franc-a's. (bethree5)

Trpimir, Dark Age Prince of Dalmatia,
A/K/A the first Duke of Croatia,
Liberated the 'burbs,
Grabbing up all the Serbs
To the border of Moesia and Dacia. (bethree5)

So I've finally come here to explore
Why Kalleh and Shu wanted more
Of those limericks they love
That don't fall from above,
But are birthed after hours of la-BORE!
(Wordmatic)

Hey, Wordmatic, so glad you have come
To our cozy l'il lim'rick-y slum!
Do yourself a big favor
Send the verse that's a labor
To OEDILF: relax & break a few rules! (keep it mum)
(bethree5)

Oh, Wordmatic, it's nice that you're here!
Our lim'ricks aren't great, I do fear.
And still we have fun
With every last one.
So linger and write with us, dear.
(Kalleh)

Now, bethree, I've a question for you;
Do you post on OEDILF and here, too?
I've not seen you there,
Though that's hardly fair
Cuz my posts over there are quite few.
(Kalleh)

No, dear Kalleh, there's nothing you've missed.
Yes, on Wordcraft you've seen the whole gist
Of my limerick mss--
OEDILF? my nemesis
Would be editors whose hems must be kissed...(bethree5)

Well, Bethree, I have to commend
Your talent...I must surely send
You off to OEDILF (pronounced ode-DILF);
Don't lie in the shilf,
But start writing, my dear little friend!
(Kalleh)

It seems Kalleh and Bethree are it,
Though BobHale did have one to submit.
And you can't count Wordmatic,
She lives in Kal's attic--
She's just tired of Kal giving her... grief.
(EAChristian)
**You see this is what is so great/bad about the wiki format. I can just go on back in and change Wordmatic into the girl she apparently always was...**

My gut tells me this is by TrossL
She's docile (though not an apostle!)
Our Tross is a hoot,
And gifted to boot!
The size of her heart is colossal!
(Kalleh)

I know that Wordmatic sounds neut,
But to call me a guy is a beaut!
You see, I'm a she,
While Shu is a he,
Who may also be Wordcraft, zehr gud!
(Wordmatic)

On the internet I’m called "beTHREE"
Which rhymes with my middle name "Leigh."
RE: my first, I need to vent.
Here’s how it went
When I renewed at our local MVD…

"Look here miss, now we’re post-9/11
"We require ID-proofs numbering 7
"Ya say yer first name’s Virginia—
"Ya can’t prove it, kin ya?
"Watterya tryin’, ta bomb us all ta heaven??"

So I called up my old mother dear

Who said, "Now don’t shed a tear--
"You see, I changed my mind
"Added Virginia, and the bind:
"I was too cheap to make it legal, I fear!"(bethree5)

Regarding my screenname of Christian;
This is no sockpuppeting fiction.
Perhaps you're too harried
To remember--I married--
My new name is no contradiction.
(EA Christian)

I thought you pronounced it beTHREE,
Though Shu has been arguing with me;
"I'm sure that it's Beth!"
(That's what he seth)
It's great to be right...tee, hee, hee!
(Kalleh)

Now Wordmatic assumes quite a lot;
She's never met Shu so she's not
Sure that he's male.
He could have a tail,
Or fins, a large mouth...like a lott! Har!Har!Wish we had a ROFL smiley!
(Kalleh) (bethree5)
(It's so great not having to worry about workshoppers! I know, lot and lott are homophones...they don't have to tell me!)

Hullo Shu-- thought you were a bassett!
Wordcraftian top dog and asset!
Beth was my childhood friend
So I did indeed intend
A moniker with that alternate facet. (bethree5)

Now, Christian, straighten me out:
Are you née TrossL? And what's this about
Contradiction to be named Christian?
Are you Jewish, Muslim or atheistian?
A clever wordcrafter, of that there's no doubt! (bethree5)

If Christian's not TrossL, I'll eat
My straw hat...though it's not very sweet!
I'm sure she is teasing,
And while she is pleasing,
This name is a bit of deceit!
(Kalleh)

(I thought I cleared up the confusion with my previous limerick. It seems I will have to spell it out for you...)
Contradiction referred to my name,
Whether Christian or Tross, I'm the same!
I married Mike C.
So a new name for me--
Deception was never my aim.
(EAChristian)

We all were just kidding, my dear;
We've not been deceived over here.
Now give Mike a big hug!
[And his "you know" a tug!]
And nibble a bit on his ear!

I tugged and a little bit more,
Now he walks with a limp and he's sore.
I just took your advice,
(You're a nurse, that's not nice)
I thought you meant, play tug-a-war!

Well I guess I’ve the mind of a bawd--
That "you-know"-tugging sounds mighty odd--
But then my equestrian dude
Whom I intended to be lewd
Got barely a blink or a nod… (bethree5)

I thought that poor Tross would have known
To be gentle...I'd better atone!
Now make it all slick,
Massaging his ****,
He'll forgive you, while giving a moan.
(Kalleh) We are bad, aren't we? :>O ;>) Yuk Yuk ! Terrible! (B3)

OMG!!! Kalleh! I'm shocked!
My perception of you has been rocked.
The word you implied
Made me laugh til I cried--
How hard was that lim to concoct?
(EAChristian)

Did you think just because she's a Doc,
All her thoughts are pristine, under lock?
No, because she's a nurse,
With First Aid in her purse,
Our friend Kalleh knows how to cuck sock!
(Wordmatic the invisible???)

I see that I've started some smut!
I'm normally pansified...but
These women are fun,
And I'm not an old nun!
(I hope you don't think I'm a slut!)
(naughty Kalleh)
Ah, to be a slut, that is a good one.
As an old mama, sure, if one could, one
Would gladly be one—
Sure sounds to me fun—
But my sex life is that of a good nun.

Oh, indeed I would count myself rich
And I swear that I’d no longer bitch
At life’s flotsam and jetsom
If I could just get some
Perhaps then I’d not be such a witch. (B35)

OK, here's a point I must now raise,
Since we four are alone here most days:
If one of the men
Shows his face here again
Zap the last 50 lines from their gaze!

The problem with men is we need 'em.
(Even though we often don't heed 'em.)
Cuz sex would be boring
Without "it" all soaring.
We humor 'em, love 'em, and feed 'em.
[Kalleh]
(We do have fun, don't we? Let's not tell the men!)

So... where do we lay blame and fault,
Since our wiki has ground to a halt?
Guess we ran out of steam,
Still, we made a good team...
Guess it's down to the pub for a malt.
(EAChristian)

Thanks, Christian, for waking us up!
We are glad to be back, aren't we? Yup!
We still want to write
Our lim'ricks all night!
[And yet from our glasses we'll sup!]

I'm wondering where all of you are...
Are you eating or driving your car?
Please come now and write!
And don't give me a fight!
If you don't, I am off to the bar!
[P.S. Hey, I added my picture!]

Home

arnie_ — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 10:42:17 CDT

Welcome to the Wordcraft Wiki!

Wordcraft is a community of like-minded individuals who enjoy words.

Mark Twain said, "The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between the lightning and the lightning-bug." Join us in shedding light on words and sharing de-light in words.

The main Wordcraft site is at http://wordcraft.infopop.cc/.

Our main forum is at http://wordcraft.infopop.cc/eve. Do visit and join in our discussions!

The purpose of this wiki is to enable us to place content on the Web that doesn't fit easily in the context of a forum. Although at the time of writing (June 2007) there is not much here, we expect to add to the pages over time. If you have any suggestions for articles, do sign up for the wiki or the forum (preferably both!).

Limerwiki

kalleh — Tue, 01 May 2007 00:14:18 CDT

Many Wordcrafters love writing and reading limericks, and therefore we are starting this Limerwiki on Wordcraft. Our goal is to write limericks for fun. Choose any subject you wish. If you like humor, as I do, make them hilarious! If you like more serious limericks, that's fine, too. You are welcome to push the envelope a bit because we aren't planning to publish these…and we just want to have a good time!

However, we ask that you keep the following in mind:

Let's make these limericks. A true limerick is defined this way: "A limerick is constructed of anapests, the metrical foot consisting of two unaccented or short syllables followed by one stressed or long syllable: da-da-dum. The first two lines are three anapests, the second two are two anapests, and the last line is three, the whole poem rhymed aabba." This particular definition was found on the “About: Poetry” site. If you really want to know the ins and outs of limerick writing, I'd suggest reading www.OEDILF.com. They discuss them in much more depth than that. Feel free to experiment a bit with meter, such as smooshing words together, or…horrors…skipping or adding unstressed syllables once in awhile. The most important part of our limericks is that we enjoy them!

Lines 1, 2, and 5 rhyme, while lines 3 & 4 rhyme. I love fun rhymes, and I find some of the best are not perfect rhymes. For example, here is one of my limericks posted on OEDILF:

The amoeba is terribly primitive;
It doesn't take plenty for him t' live.
Not a worry or care,
No shampooing his hair,
Yet his life must be really quite dim t' live.

As you can see, "primitive" isn't a perfect rhyme to "him t' live" or "dim t' live." Yet, isn’t it fun? Of course, though, no one would appreciate rhyming something like "dog" and "cat," nor is that clever.

Lastly, please keep these limericks relatively tasteful. While a funny, off-color limerick is fine, please keep away from the grossly violent, pornographic or abusive limericks. Similarly, limericks that defame people or products or are clear copyright violations will be deleted from the system. Now...start submitting some limericks!

Guy Wetmore Carryl

zmjezhd — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 19:27:01 CDT

(1873-1904)

FABLES FOR THE FRIVOLOUS (1898)
–––––––––

The Ambitious Fox and the Unapproachable Grapes
The Persevering Tortoise and the Pretentious Hare
The Patrician Peacocks and the Overweening Jay
The Arrogant Frog and the Superior Bull
The Domineering Eagle and the Inventive Bratling
The Iconoclastic Rustic and the Apropos Acorn
The Unusual Goose and the Imbecilic Woodcutter
The Rude Rat and the Unostentatious Oyster
The Urban Rat and the Suburban Rat
The Impecunious Cricket and the Frugal Ant
The Pampered Lapdog and the Misguided Ass
The Vainglorious Oak and the Modest Bulrush
The Inhuman Wolf and the Lamb Sans Gene
The Sycophantic Fox and the Gullible Raven
The Microscopic Trout and the Machiavelian Fisherman
The Confiding Peasant and the Maladroit Bear
The Precipitate Cock and the Unappreciated Pearl
The Abbreviated Fox and his Skeptical Comrades
The Hospitable Caledonian and the Thankless Viper
The Impetuous Breeze and the Diplomatic Sun

GRIMM TALES MADE GAY (1902)
––––––––

How the Babes in the Wood Showed They Couldn't Be Beaten
How Fair Cinderella Disposed of Her Shoe
How Little Red Riding Hood Came To Be Eaten
How the Fatuous Wish of a Peasant Came True
How Hop o' My Thumb Got Rid of an Onus
How the Helpmate of Blue-Beard Made Free With a Door
How Rumplestilz Held Out in Vain For a Bonus
How Jack Made the Giants Uncommonly Sore
How Rudeness and Kindness Were Justly Rewarded
How Beauty Contrived to Get Square With the Beast
How a Fair One No Hope To His Highness Accorded
How Thomas a Maid From a Dragon Released
How a Beauty was Waked and Her Suitor was Suited
How Jack Found That Beans May Go Back on a Chap
How a Cat Was Annoyed and a Poet Was Booted
How Much Fortunatus Could Do With a Cap
How a Princess Was Wooed From Habitual Sadness
How a Girl Was Too Reckless of Grammar By Far
How the Peaceful Aladdin Gave Way To His Madness
How a Fisherman Corked Up His Foe in a Jar
Envoi

MOTHER GOOSE FOR GROWN UPS (1900)
–––––––––

The Admirable Assertiveness of Jilted Jack
The Blatant Brutality of Little Bow Peep
The Commendable Castigation of Old Mother Hubbard
The Discouraging Discovery of Little Jack Horner
The Embarrassing Episode of Little Miss Muffet
The Fearful Finale of the Irascible Mouse
The Gastronomic Guile of Simple Simon
The Harmonious Heedlessness of Little Boy Blue
The Inexcusable Improbity of Tom, the Piper's Son
The Judicious Judgment of Quite Contrary Mary
The Linguistic Languor of Charles Augustus Sprague
The Mysterious Misapprehension Concerning a Man in our Town
The Opportune Overthrow of Humpty Dumpty
The Preposterous Performance of an Old Lady of Banbury
The Quixotic Quest of Three Blind Mice
The Remarkable Regimen of the Sprat Family
The Singular Sangfroid of Baby Bunting
The Touching Tenderness of King Karl the First
The Unusual Ubiquity of the Inquisitive Gander.

The Ambitious Fox and the Unapproachable Grapes

shufitz — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 13:43:41 CDT

by Guy Wetmore Carryl

A farmer built around his crop
A wall, and crowned his labors,
By placing glass upon the top
To lacerate his neighbors,
Provided they at any time
Should feel disposed the wall to climb.

He also drove some iron pegs
Securely in the coping,
To tear the bare, defenceless legs
Of brats who, upward groping,
Might steal, despite the risk of fall,
The grapes that grew upon the wall.

On day a fox, on thieving bent,
A crafty and an old one,
Most shrewdly tracked the pungent scent
That eloquently told one
That grapes were ripe and grapes were good
And likewise in the neighborhood.

He threw some stones of divers shapes
The luscious fruit to jar off:
It made him ill to see the grapes
So near and yet so far off.
His throws were strong, his aim was fine,
But "Never touched me!" said the vine.

The farmer shouted, "Drat the boys!"
And, mounting on a ladder,
He sought the cause of all the noise;
No farmer could be madder,
Which was not hard to understand
Because the glass had cut his hand.

His passion he could not restrain,
But shouted out, "You're thievish!"
The fox replied, with fine distain,
"Come country, don't be peevish."
(Now "country" is an epithet
One can't forgive, nor yet forget.)

The farmer rudely answered back
With compliments unvarnished,
And downward hurled the bric-à-brac
With which the wall was garnished,
In view of which demeanor strange,
The fox retreated out of range.

"I will not try the grapes to-day,"
He said. "My appetite is
Fastidious, and, anyway,
I fear appendicitis."
(The fox was one of the élite
Who call it site instead of seet.)

The Moral is that if your host
Throws glass around his entry
You know it isn't done by most
Who claim to be the gentry,
While if he hits you in the head
You may be sure he's underbred.

.

Universal Health Care

shufitz — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 09:53:36 CDT

Before WWI Began, Universal Health Care Seemed a Sure Thing
Deja Vu column by Cynthia Crossen, Wall St. Journal, April 30, 2007

Health insurance "is a dead issue in the United States," reported a committee of the New York State Medical Society almost a century ago.

It seems ludicrous today that anyone believed the debate over government-mandated health insurance had been settled forever. But in 1925, that's how things looked.

In 1912, Theodore Roosevelt, campaigning for president on the Progressive Party ticket, endorsed compulsory health insurance as part of his platform. The same year, an organization of progressive economists -- the American Association for Labor Legislation, or AALL -- started a crusade to make health insurance mandatory for workers who earned less than $1,200 a year (about $25,000 today). The cost of the premiums would be shared by employer and employee (two-fifths each) and the state. Compulsory health insurance, proponents argued, would eliminate sickness as a cause of poverty.

There wasn't a lot you could do for a sick person in 1912; the greatest cost of illness or injury was loss of wages. Keeping their workers -- and their armies -- on the job was one reason most European countries, starting with Germany in 1883, had instituted mandatory health insurance for many workers. "You cannot maintain an A-1 empire with a C-3 population," said Lloyd George, the British wartime prime minister, whose Parliament passed the National Insurance Act in 1911.

For a few years, it looked as though health-insurance legislation in the U.S. was inevitable, and advantageous for workers and doctors. With access to prompt medical care, laborers would be able to return to their jobs more quickly, keeping their families fed. And doctors would prosper if a growing number of patients could pay their fees. More than a dozen state legislatures began considering compulsory health insurance based on a model bill drafted by the labor group.

But the "professional philanthropists, busybody social workers, misguided clergymen and hysterical women," as an opponent described them, hadn't reckoned on a mighty resistance movement of some the unlikeliest political bedfellows in history. They included commercial insurance companies; fraternal organizations; pharmacists; manufacturers; Samuel Gompers, then president of the American Federation of Labor, and some other labor unions; Christian Scientists; assorted xenophobes and anti-Communists; and -- the coup de grâce -- doctors.

Although united in their goal to defeat mandatory insurance, the challengers had wildly different motives. Commercial insurance companies and fraternal organizations sold sickness and burial policies and feared losing business. Pharmacists suspected the government would start telling patients what medicines to take and how much they should cost. Samuel Gompers argued that the solution to the problem of illness was not compulsory insurance but higher wages. Management didn't want to pay for another benefit, especially if, as a representative of an industry trade group argued, "the sickness had been contracted either through intemperate or licentious living."

Emotional arguments also worked against the effort. Christian Scientists, then a potent political force, complained compulsory insurance meant "exclusively a material method of healing in preference to a spiritual method." Labor groups said it would lead to the determination of who was a good insurance risk. "When found defective, they will, of course, be thrown on the scrap heap," one argued.

America's entry into World War I in 1917 provided another knock against health insurance: It was un-American. As California prepared for a referendum on the issue, commercial insurers published pamphlets picturing Kaiser Wilhelm II with the caption, "Made in Germany. Do you want it in California?" (Voters rejected the measure.) In Albany, an insurance bill under consideration by the state Legislature came "straight from Germany" and was "devilish in principle and foreign to American ideals," argued Henry W. Berg, a New York doctor. It never got out of committee.

The AALL also neglected to woo physicians, often ignoring their opinions when negotiating the legislation. Most doctors became convinced that health insurance would insert the dubious judgment of the government between patient and doctor, and cut their pay. Charles H. Mayo, president of the American Medical Association, urged physicians to be wary of "anything which reduced the income of the physician" because that would "limit his training, equipment and efficiency."

One unintended consequence of this campaign was the organization of the medical profession "into an effective and articulate political force," wrote Ronald L. Numbers in "Almost Persuaded," a 1978 study of physicians' responses to compulsory health insurance.

In the end, not a single state passed a health-insurance law. Henry Seager, one-time head of the AALL and a Columbia University professor, said, "We are still so far from considering illness as anything beyond a private misfortune against which each individual and each family should protect itself, as best it may, that Germany's heroic method of attacking it as a national evil through government machinery seems to us to belong almost to another planet."

Newspaper Articles

shufitz — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 09:33:09 CDT

We all can, from time to time, post interesting articles we come across in the newspapers.

This wiki-page will serve as a placeholder, so that any such article-postings will appear indexed below this page.

Test Page

arnie_ — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 09:14:49 CDT

This is a simple test page.

There is a line break between this line and the previous one.

This text is in bold.

This is in italics.

This is a numeric list;
second part of list;
part three.

This is an unordered list;
second part of list;
part three.

This text is centered.

This is right-aligned.

This is a link to the Wordcraft home page.